can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
