You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
