Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
