I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
