So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
