Nicole vs. Life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
