So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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