We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
