So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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