drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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