Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
