I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
