i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
