Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
