Only a mothe r could love this liver
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize