Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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