you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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