Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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