Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
