i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
