you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
