so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am spending my child support on dildos
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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