she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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