WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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