Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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