Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
