A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
