I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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