Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
