its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
