apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
