I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
