I think I won the penis lottery.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
