Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
