If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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