Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize