TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
operation harelip BJ is a go
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
