dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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