this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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