the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
