rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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