You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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