I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
