All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
