Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
