I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
