I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
