Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
