i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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