i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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