and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
