I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
