He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I intend to get homeless drunk
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
