I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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