I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
