I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
