Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
