Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
