i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
