I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize