hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
