It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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