i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
