When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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