oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
