you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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