he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
